Tag: Funny

Bollywood doesnt know finance

Prasad AjinkyaLeave a comment

In case if you have seen any of the following movies then you will agree with me that almost all the protagonists in Bollywood do not know what are the different debt instruments available in the market these days.

Take the movie Om Jai Jagdish, or Hum Hain Rahi Pyaar Ke … or any movie where in the villain somehow coaxes either the hero’s family or woe be gone, the hero himself into an unsecured loan. Then when the hero is near bankruptcy, forces the hero to sell all family heirlooms and property in the classic filmy neelami. Fortunately, since all bollywood movies need a happy ending, the hero somehow pulls through by sheer dumb luck or hard work (or a script writer’s blessing).

But in real life this is vastly different. Yes, there are people who take unsecured loans, and yes there are people who declare financial bankruptcy. But there are easier debt solutions out there than doing an all out public auction or going bankrupt!

Here is one – an individual voluntary arrangement (IVT). An IVT is a solution wherein the repayments can be lowered, the interest rates can be kept constant and it can more importantly stop the creditors from chasing our hero. Now all he has to do is click for an individual voluntary arrangement. He has to fill in some simple forms and within a few months, his bankruptcy problems will atleast be averted. This form of debt management has been around for some time now, and is making headway in the UK. In the past year or so, BBC reports suggest that many individuals are opting to go this way instead of simply declaring bankruptcy.

You can find more about IVT, simply google for it or find the wiki on this. Now if only our Indian heroes were that smart and could keep up with the times! Not only would it save so much heartburn for their family, but would also save so many reels of trashy melodramatic cinema!

Confessions of an Ambush Marketer

Prasad Ajinkya1 Comment

Dear Internet Surfer, I have sinned.

  • Ever since I have found about HTML forms and Emailing systems, I have been lurking around in web-pages awaiting to spring that form on you
  • When I found about javascript and the onLoad event, I welcome you to my pages and bidded for my time. The time to spring my multi-inputted trap!
  • jQuery added to my arsenal of timed web-pages and put some smarts in my traps. My traps started looking good and how!
  • CSS helped me to create the singing sirens, beckoning you to click on my lovely form elements
  • Smart written form elements and squeeze pages made me more credible to you
  • Auto-responders helped me to have an active dialogue with you … making you think that I actually care to have a conversation
  • After well timed campaigns when you swiped your credit card and transferred your hard(ly) earned money to my account, I can only do but thank you for your efforts

In case, if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, then please forget the money that you paid to me and consider this as a practical lesson learnt!

CV Gaffes

Prasad Ajinkya12 Comments

We are hiring, and are screening resumes of different candidates for interviews. Some of the resumes that we came across are hilarious and I thought I might take the liberty of sharing it here (I am not disclosing the identity of the people, but if your CV does contain a line or two from these selected gems, then consider rewriting your resume!)

  • Seeking an environment to relish the constructive attitude and fulfill my appetite of success by facilitating the organization with my skills and abilities.
  • To use and enhance my educational as well as professional skills with dedications and commitment in the best possible way do as to acquire symmetric height for me and my organization.
  • To be an efficient part of a reputed organization and enhance my abilities while working to attain objectives of organization. I would like to work amongst Network of Skilled Professionals in a dynamic and highly demanding atmosphere.
  • Looking forward for a dynamic career in today’s challenging business environment Achieving organization objective as well as professional growth in an environment of co-operation of team spirit. Reach the top positioning my career and to attain the goal of life.
  • I want to have challenging career in growing organization, which gives opportunities to utilize the skills and contribute to rise up in the learning curve and which values professionalism, by demonstrating high energy levels, ethics and integrity.
  • To Pursue growth Oriented Career with a Progressive Company that provides scope to apply my knowledge & Skill which would also help me to Contribute my best to best Organization
  • To establish myself as a successful professional known for emerging victorious from challenging situations and completing given task thus helping company to new heights and fulfilling my dreams.

I do not understand why people keep career objectives in their resumes. Not only is it a waste of space, but also the recruiter does not glean anything (except maybe a chuckle or two) from it. Most of the objectives I have seen are bloated and filled with hot air – save the recruiter some trouble and directly cut to the chase.

The world without Microsoft Office

Prasad Ajinkya3 Comments

In a discussion with a friend (and an ex-colleague), we were joking about work life in general (euphemism for mutual bitching). It seems that a lot of us are destined to work on Microsoft Office Powerpoint and Microsoft Office Excel almost all the time; be it a job in the sales team, the financial analyst team, the business analyst team … Microsoft Office never leaves us.

A shared fantasy was, what would happen to the world if Microsoft Office suddenly ceased to exist … the following are some pearls from that discussion … of course I have added some of my own, and welcome all of you to keep on adding to this list through the comments –

  1. MBAs would not have anything to do apart from sitting in meetings
  2. Corporations would realize how overly paid we all are
  3. The consulting industry would come to a virtual stand still
  4. People will actually work instead of creating documents
  5. Colleagues and teams will start talking to each other instead of exchanging documents and Track Change (Ctrl+Shift+E) reviews and Comments (Alt+R+C)
  6. Wikis and other collaborative groupware would be put to use … heck even Google Buzz might be exhumed
  7. B-schools will be forced to change their pedagogy or they will be virtually assignment-free … wheeee!!

… to be continued

LIONs are whores

Prasad Ajinkya2 Comments

Scratch that picture of a feline with cheap make-up and gaudy mane!!

I mean the new style of declaring yourself as a LION (Largest Internet Open Networker) on LinkedIn to say that you are open to connect with one and all. In other words, you are connecting promiscuously – a connection whore.

I am not taking a disparaging view of this, since I have on several occasions done this (for building a strong gaming network on Facebook, for checking the limit of friends you could add on Yahoo Messenger, for adding folks on Orkut left right and center, etc).

It’s just funny to note that when you say LION, it sounds like self-aggrandizing.

I am a LION!!

Instead of just saying (and people don’t do this btw) …

I am a connection whore!

Interesting to see that by a simple change in analogy (whore to LION), people are suddenly willing to declare it on their profiles. Well, for me they are still the same … LIONs are whores!