Personal blog of Prasad Ajinkya
Signs that you are a new parent
At a common friend’s wedding, a friend and I had an interesting discussion on nirvana. The discussion started from the idea of how does one go about becoming inside-out. Prompt came the answer from him, that one should not take external factors into consideration. One should act because one wants to and not because it has been forced on someone. I have known him for a decade or so now, and I think he really practices what he preaches. The problem with that reasoning is that sometimes an individual is not just responsible for himself, but has other obligations (family, job, friends, etc). This binding to the society ties us to worldly problems.
For this reason, when an individual seeks to move towards nirvana, he first needs to take the consent of his family. This consent gives that person a freedom to be inside-out. That act cuts off his liabilities, and he can then transcend to a truly enlightened individual. A person who chooses to do so without the consent of his family and dependents, is merely a selfish person who chooses to ignore them.
When I was a toddler I spent my days in Parel (or Lower Parel as some of you now would know this are), my grandfather (god bless his soul) who was the dean of the only veterinary college in Mumbai was given a huge facility for his family to stay in. This included a research lab, a bungalow, a sprawling estate and staff to support.
Life was good, the estate boasted of many trees and plants … as a kid I used to think that there was a jungle in my grandfather’s complex. I had my favorite tree in that jungle, it was one huge neem tree, with its branch grown like a low overhang. My sister and I used to hang out (literally and figuratively) on that tree. To me that tree was the epitome of strength.
We grew up, I became “healthy”. When I was ten, my grandfather was set to retire from his post … Arati and me decided to bid our last farewell to our tree. We sat on the heavy trunk … and started jumping up and down on that tree … the trunk was swaying!! That added to our excitement and we jumped some more … the poor tree could not take that much strain, and the trunk eventually broke!! Both of us were aghast … to see our ideal in such a shape, and we being the cause of it; all that was too much to bear for us. I think that was the first time I took a life (I am not counting all the chickens and goats I had eaten before that, since I had not cut off their necks – I just ate – so gimme a break, I was a kid ok?).
We moved to Vile Parle, where we had bought our own place – a small 1BHK. My mother LOVES plants, so our entire window grill was filled with different flowering plants. I remember my childhood specifically for this nurturing atmosphere. Soon, we moved into a larger place, which had a terrace – we promptly decided to make a terrace garden. I adopted my first plant – I used to water it, and care for it, enjoy the flowers that came … I saw the seed grow into a full blown vine. We also planted saplings around our building and watered them. Now almost two decades later, the peepal and the jambhun tree that we had planted are giving shade to the entire area within that colony.
If we get so much happiness out of taking care of plants and if it benefits us so, then why do we indiscriminately keep on cutting trees down?
This is not an epiphany that I had. It’s not a structured plan that I have been working towards for the past 20 years of my life either. It’s a thought that I have chosen to take up.
I am fascinated with God. Obsessed even. That’s precisely why I have jumped out of bed at midnight and started writing this post. This post came to me as an epiphany :-) (yes, even I have those every now and then).
God is a concept people made to turn internalists into externalists. The concept turns them from someone who believes that his outcome/success is in his own hands to someone who believes that there is a supernatural force who is acting in his/her divine wisdom. It’s a concept which turns lions to lambs.
This to a confirmed pro-theist, is kind of an eye opener. An atheist friend of mine will be more than happy to say, “Gee, Kida, I told you so. I was right.”
But I still have faith. I still believe in god, not as an excuse to turn into an externalist, but simply for the purpose of having and nurturing faith. Believe in god, but not for the sake of that exam/interview/proposal, etc. All those things are purely in your own hands, and if you don’t move your lazy arse on the hard work required, then trust me, no god will be able to help. Chance, perhaps, god … no.
Parenthood brings in its own slew of experiences, I won’t talk about the often cited ones like holding your child in your arms and the realization experiences :-). My mama (the marathi kind), gave us a pram for Anasuya. Everyone was excited … the baby was bringing her own entourage.
Today, we sat for assembling the infernal thing. With a single pager for a manual, and two guys (that’s my father and I) … it was obvious that we had no need for instructions! So came the exercise of figuring out what goes where … in that process of figuring things out, we made discoveries … the oohs! and the a-has!! were multifold. As with almost all D-I-Y assemblies, we finished it and still had some parts to spare (wonder where they go!!?!).
I wonder if they purposely make it confounding, so that the parents get realizations in the process of assembling it?
This one I am not.
A friend of mine once told me that my grammar was attrocious. I was shocked, appalled … then denial struck in. Me!! Bad grammar??? Noooooooo!!! I called him a grammar Nazi.
Today, as I was reading through a blog of another friend, I saw the painstaking process through which she goes when making a post. A first cut in Word, then grammatical changes, then posting on the platform, and then revisions. With many re-reads thrown in.
In the process of making a blog post, the content and the idea keep on getting refined. I compared that to my writing style and I realized, that yes … I do create a lot of grammatical errors … in the process of blurting out my post, no reviews, no revisions, no drafts. Let’s see if I can be a better blogger by revisiting my work.
Last weekend was IIM-Indore’s alumni meet. Unlike the older IIM’s, we at Indore have this event every year for all the batches. And generally its one huge event in the calendar of the institute. This time was no different. For me, it was a whole new experience altogether.
My first alumni meet was in 2006, when I was a newly graduated “distinguished” member of my alma matter. I knew everyone of my juniors, and even quite a few of their juniors. I knew all the seniors as well, so for me the meet was one big jalsa. I have fond memories of that meet … until this year.
Due to some reason or the other, I was unable to go to the next three alumni meets. During that time the institute had grown, it had doubled the intake of its students, teachers had changed, traditions had changed … and so had the culture. A young IIM does not have it’s fair share of P&G’s and BCG’s. Now we are not the youngest anymore … needless to say, things have changed.
I was aware of this, yet I decided that it’s time that I pay the alma matter a visit. As always, this involved talking to a lot of friends and rounding them up for buying tickets to Indore … some agreed straightaway (notably Amit Sharma amongst them), some complained that they already had other plans, and some said they will make it. Nevertheless, I had decided to go … and go I shall.
So off we go, October 3rd saw Amit and I in Indore going towards the mole hill. Lo behold, from far off, it looked still the same, a little bit weathered, but still the same old mole hill. I had big plans laid out for the weekend, in a nutshell it involved friends, loads of nostalgia, liters of booze and some good music and drunken dancing on the Melting Pot. Registration was fairly quick, there was some minor hassle about getting clean rooms and some beds and bed sheets … but that’s okay, we weren’t supposed to sleep anyway!! We were here to dance the night away!!! Except for one teensy-weensy hitch … apart from us two, no one else form my batch of 2006 had shown up … and the same for the batches of 2005 and 2007!!
By evening that day it was apparent that we were the most senior alumni there!! Brrr … I still get a shiver up my spine when the realization strikes me again … and again. All the traditions that we were a part of, were suddenly no longer being followed … the feeling instead of being one coming back to one’s home changed to one intruding someone else’s home. The alumni committee and the students were a welcoming lot though, all credit to them. But as someone has said, the people make the place … I couldn’t agree more. Just that those people were no longer there, the place wasn’t the same.
The feeling of loneliness in a throng of people was even more pronounced when we were asked to inaugurate the event. An honor generally kept for the most senior alumni, the oldies. OMG!! That’s me right there … lighting the lamp. In a tumult of emotions I realized that this was one thing which I would have relished doing had I been some guru in management, or atleast with enough grey hair on my head. Not when I am in my late twenties!! At least let me deserve it before I get to claim it :-)
I do not have the guts to go on, possible Amit can tell you more on this experience. Or I might come back and finish off this post some time later. Yes, and the photo that you see above is the academic block’s main entrance taken by Amit.
PS – The world’s best phirni is still available at Nafees, Indore :-)